No matter how many times I struggled to belong to a group, any group, I ended up alone. I conformed and tried to find a common interest and connect with someone and attempt to grow from there. It only had negative repercussions along with feeling like there was something wrong with me and nothing could never make me lovable.
But deep down I knew that a higher power, God, created me and He knew I was worthy of love and belonging. So why couldn't everyone else see what He saw. Sometimes I couldn't even see what He saw. At times I knew I was okay, sometimes adequate, but never awesome. During those times I would put myself out there again and again because I had hope that there was someone out there somewhere that would eventually see my worth. Every 'No' was closer to a 'Yes'. Right?
I wish I could believe that all that suffering was preparing me for something. A life lesson that kept repeating itself and kept me small and almost invisible? Perhaps.
When I was introduced to Brene's work I was in an addiction therapy group (to be discussed in a later session). We all watched "The Power of Vulnerability" Ted talk. This spoke to me.
If she asked people about love, they told her about heartbreak. If she asked people about connection, they told her about disconnection. This was my life. If she put words to that, then she had to know more about breaking the cycle.
How could I stop numbing my life, deal with my imperfections, see who I really am and who I want to be, quit trying to gain everyone's approval, stop creating and using empty excuses and feel authentic, genuine, and true.
So after I watched the first video I was hooked. I have been drawn to her ever since. Her work is continually evolving and it moves in a direction that I want to go. But what fun is the journey if I have to go alone? This is why I'm sharing and trying to find my 'tribe'.
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