The last few weeks have been quite the trial. How do I begin to tell you without sounding like whining or complaining? I just need people to listen and understand why I haven't been ME! I'm not asking you to fix it or even feel sorry for me. Maybe someone out there has been through the same thing and can offer some advice on how to cope with the changes I am going through.
To begin, I suffer from a lot of physical and emotional ailments, however, today's entry will focus on the 'Crazy Lady Syndrome'! In layman's terms, it is the constant ups and downs associated with the imbalance of women's hormones.
Endometriosis is its own animal associated with pain and cramps. So I do whatever normal person would do....go to the doctor for remedy. I didn't know it at the time, but I chose the crazy option for the Lupron shot, which shuts down the estrogen production of the ovaries. The side effects? More like life-changing, cannot be undone effects.
For the month following the shot, I was emotionally disconnected from just about everything, the dog, my job, my kids, and my dear husband. Then one day at work, it hit me like a TON of bricks, literally; I started crying and couldn't stop. I called the doctor's office and wanted to know what was going on. The shot wore off and my body was out of estrogen. I was immediately put on some estrogen. The next few days I was up and down with tears. I started feeling EVERYTHING!
I remembered how wonderful my children were, how romantic my husband really was, and how much I missed my Eli. I didn't want to feel everything on maximum mode; just enough to feel connected to the world.
So today, it's been almost two weeks since I've started the estrogen regimen and I'm here to tell you I've never felt so imbalanced or emotionally unstable. All I want to do is cry and find fault in every moment. I can think of one other time I've cried more in my life (the Eli story). There couldn't be more than a five-minute period where I wouldn't get irritated or snap.
My poor family and co-workers. And when I wasn't crying, I was profusely apologizing for my unintentional and irrational behavior. Thank goodness for some very forgiving people. I couldn't bear looking into the eyes of my children who were afraid to approach me or my husband who wasn't sure when he could kiss me without a cold shoulder.
I understand that the hormones will eventually balance themselves out, but when? It doesn't help that the time frame is unknown. It definitely doesn't help the next day filled with more regretful episodes of crying and snapping.
So to readers of this post...you're here for a reason. You're in my life because you think I'm the bomb! JK. Actually, you're here because you know that my recent behavior is NOT me and you know that I'm in here somewhere. Most of all, you have faith in me and love me. So, thank you very much. Not sure who my readers are (mostly because no comments are made, hehehe), but I love you, who ever you are.
May you continue to love me unconditionally!
