Pain Averted

I was supposed to get a root canal today, but it wasn't bad enough. Whew! That's always nice to avoid pain if you can. Sometimes it's inevitable and unforeseen. Life throws us curve balls when we're least expecting it, and when do we really expect anything to disrupt our quaint little lives?

Yes, I am trying to be all that I have been created to be, but some days, I just don't want to. Some days, I want to stay in bed and sleep ALL DAY. Others, I would like to get into the car, drive somewhere, check into a hotel where all I am required to do is sit by the pool, bathe in sunshine and breathe in some muggy air. No agenda. No responsibilities. How long do you think it would take before I got bored and wanted to do something more? I simply do not know, nor do I think I'll get the chance to find out. I can dream, can't I?

Tony left this afternoon for a few days to go hunting with his family. Last year I was left with Jayden and Tyson for 10 days! Needless to say, the boys lived and so did I, but it wasn't without some of my own tantrums. I think I was going through some hormonal changes of my own or a change in my antidepressants, and I was so out-of-whack. I remember being quick to temper and felt so alone. But this year it bound to be different!!! YAY! Yes, I will make it different.

I remember a conversation with my Aunt Joan while I was having trouble with a 3 year-old Jayden getting into everything, including my very, very last nerve. "What's it going to hurt?" she said. I've thought about that a lot lately now that Tyson found that very last nerve, as well. I know that I can't control everything the kids do, but I sure attempt to contain the level of chaos that arises. So, I'm learning to let go of what they do, not react inappropriately, and set an example of peace. I said I was trying, didn't I? LOL!

As I think about the things in my life that I worried about and tried to avoid any confrontation or contention and failed, I am learning slowly that I cannot be everything. I am a simple woman with good intentions of being happy and creating peace wherever I go. HMMMM. I'll keep praying for that, lol.

Whoa!!

It has been a while since I have posted anything to my blog. There have been so many changes going on in the last year that I have so much to catch you up on. I know I don't have very many followers, but it makes me feel better knowing that I can write my feelings without holding back.

I haven't been as supportive to my friends or my family as my heart would have liked. But my husband and children have taken the front seat for the last little bit. My health has also taken priority to many other things. Tony and I had decided that we didn't to have any more children, we thought ours provided enough challenge to keep us on our toes and we weren't sure we could handle much more. But there was a part of my heart still felt a void.

Just as I was getting used to the idea of having two boys, Jayden and Tyson, Heavenly Father told us differently. On a sunny Sunday in Spring, the family came home from church and Tony turned to me with tears in his eyes and told me that the Spirit had whispered to his soul that we were going to have another child and that it was going to be a girl. My heart swelled with joy and my eyes filled with tears. Oh my goodness! How awesome. Heavenly Father heard the silent cries of my heart. How I longed to hold a child.... another one of mine, again. I didn't want to keep asking for something I wasn't sure I could handle emotionally. But we moved forward with faith. We knew that if Heavenly Father wanted this for us and our family, He would provide a means and a way for it to happen. 

Ok....so in April, I had yet another surgery to remove ovarian cysts from my remaining ovary. It was successful! Dr. Johnson at Tanner Clinic is incredible and said that if we weren't pregnant in three months to come back and get on some fertility medication. May....June....July....nothing. Mid-July I go back to see Dr. Johnson and the news is not good......more CYSTS! No wonder I've been in pain. I thought it was just the hormones trying to get back to normal. Nope. Needless to say, I was emotional that day. One, I didn't want to hear about more cysts. And second, if we were given the revelation to have another child, why wasn't my body cooperating? I asked for a priesthood blessing that night and felt very comforted.

Currently I'm on one cycle of birth control to attempt to reduce the size of the cysts. The last time we tried this route the cysts doubled in size. In mid-July, the largest cyst was about 1.5 inches wide. So we shall see. Another awesome thing that has happened....well, close to happening, I should be going through the temple very, very soon.

See...I just can't put this in a simple Facebook status. Sometimes, its a bit too personal or too much for some people.