I've been thinking....this blog is supposed to be about finding the joy of the journey. I haven't really focused on that, just the day-to-day operations of life. Not many specifics. I find it hard to write when all I think about it how good life could be, what else I should be doing and who I should be serving. My life has been full of 'good intentions' and not enough good deeds. I hate it when I realize how little I have contributed to the world, or how little I have wanted to contribute to the world. I want to be known for helping others through hard times, but yet I don't make time or effort beyond my home for that. I set my own expectations too high and never obtain them, so I fail almost every time. Why would anyone do that to themselves?
I want to share my story and uplift others spiritually through my experience as a single mom, a birth mom, an addict, being depressed, gaining a testimony, finding love, finding connection, finding myself and being courageous. Its been one heck of a journey and I want to start sharing my own story. I want to make myself vulnerable and take a risk of finding connection. I long for connection. In reality....I try too hard to form a bond based on fictional suffering then resent the people who truly want to help me out of the bad situation I've sometimes created for myself because I think they feel obligated to care for me or that I'm a 'charity' case. I don't want to be known for that. I want to be authentic! I want to show you who I am. I want to start writing my very own thoughts and feelings here in an attempt to understand why I do what I do so that I can create a better environment for my heart to love unconditionally. This might not make sense to you, but it does to me. Soon, I will begin to give you more of an insight into my heart and mind.
